Thank you ever so much for bringing my Gap dancer boy, Will Kemp, back into your holiday ads. But please--could we have a little more Will, a little more JC singing Earth Wind and Fire, and a little *less* SJP? That would be fantastic.
Dear Snow (the weather incident, not that white Canadian wannabe rasta rapper from the 1990's),
I worked really hard on getting my hair straight this morning. Stop messing it up when I go outside.
You *are* gonna get on the elliptical trainer after work today. Yes, I know you haven't gotten the all clear to resume working out from the doctor, but those Christmas cookies are sitting in a big glob of flab around your waist and butt. Six pounds in one week is not cool. So you will get on the trainer, and plod away and nobody expects you to be all, "Yeah, I can cruise through 30 minutes at 15 mph" like you used to (except you...but get over it, cause it ain't happening!) Besides, January is coming, and you have to hit the gym hard core then, and you don't want to be a panting, out of breath sissy when you have to go back and work out in public, right?