ShannenB (shannenb) wrote,

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If ever a show was made to be TWoPped...

Joe Millionaire would be it.

So I watched it. Because I openly admit it...I like stupid, trashy TV just as much as smart, intelligent TV. Plus, ya'll know I think girls who go on these shows are generally tools, and I was all a-twitter to see them get their comeuppance. So in the grand tradition of The Bachelor, and Temptation Island, and Bachelorettes in know I was watching.

And snarking. So here are my random, somewhat snarky thoughts on the show.

Oh, we forgot to mention that you need to be a good liar. Look, I understand the producers want someone dreamy and hunky (although I thought he was less dreamy and hunky and more weird looking in a very David Keith kinda way)and all that. But I'm thinking when the entire premise of your show is based on this guy's ability to lie, you might want to get someone who is a little better liar. I'm not talking about the ability to spin far fetched exotic tales. I'm talking about the ability not to stutter and nearly spill the beans when asked "What's your middle name?" I mean, jeeze--pull a name out of your ass, for crying out loud! Richard, Mark, David. There's no need to go "Uhhh..." and try to come up with a family name! I mean, you're telling these chicks you're a millionaire when you're not--I don't think they'll be focusing on the part where you made up some fakeo middle name. Perhaps the producers should have spent a little more time building this guy a backstory and teaching it to him, and a little less time....

Reinacting "My Fair Lady". That's right. We had to bear witness,in excruciating detail,the obligatory montage of the working class befuddled by a table featuring drinking containers that weren't of the plastic 16 oz Solo variety. You know, just in case the previous 20,000 shots of Evan driving a backhoe didn't make it clear that he's a *regular* guy.

Speaking of which, why even spend all that time teaching him things like what wine goes with pheasant? The backstory they told the women about him made it plausible that he *wouldn't* know a dessert spoon from a hole in his ass. They told the women that he was a working class guy who didn't make a lot of money, up until a couple of years ago when he inherited $50 million bucks. So OK. Now, I can see someone who was raised in the lap of wealth being able to identify a shellfish fork on sight, but not an ordinary guy who stumbled into money. Therefore, I don't think any of the women would be horrified if he ordered a 1986 wine when 1985 was clearly the more impressive vintage. Plus, look at these women. I feel pretty safe in saying all of them eat with a spork at *least* twice a week, so I can't see them being all up in arms about butter dishes.

Proof positive that the media thinks women come from cookie cutters. "OK girls...we're going to throw a ball tonight. There are twenty of you. Here are twenty dresses. Go to it! Oh, did we mention all the dresses are the same size? Hope you guys all are!" I really felt bad for the last girl who had to leave without a dress, because the only one left didn't fit because she wasn't a size zero. I'm glad they found her something better. I kinda want her to win. Or maybe I want her to lose, because winning means she has to end with with a David Keith lookalike who comes complete with bad hair and eyebrows that are screaming for a waxing.

However...every single one of these chicks lied about their age. Or they've had the hardest lives imaginable, because if some of these women are 25, then I'm 16 again.

Alex McCloud really *is* more boring than watching paint dry. Just in case you weren't sure back when she hosted Trading Spaces in its first season.

So it was stupid and kind of dragged...and I'll be watching next week. They've whittled the women down pretty fast--down to 12 this week and down to 5 the next, so it'll probably be easier to watch. It takes me a while to get into reality shows where I have to sort through hordes of contestants who will be gone in a day (Survivor not withstanding.)

But I hope the women get more bitchy and claws start coming out. I've already singled out Heidi-Ho as the one I love to hate in this series.

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