ShannenB (shannenb) wrote,
ShannenB
shannenb

Anderson's Newstand Guide

Before we get started, I know you're all dying to know this:

You are 7% geek
OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutia. God, I hate you.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com



Huh. Who would have thunk?

Anyway...

OK, I'm trying to get all my Anderson lurve outta my system here, so we can resume the regularly scheduled *Rosenbaum*. It's just I have all these snarky Anderson pieces saved, and no outlet.

Anyway, in case you're standing before the rack at your local grocery, debating on which magazine is worth your hard earned dollars, Anderson Cooper breaks it down for you and tells you the highlights from a few...


Anderson: "All right, so you'd think with all the magazines that hit the newsstands each week, there'd be something out there worth reading, but no.

"People" magazine this week is filled with innocuous details about the week-long romance between Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Here's a quick summary: They met, he bought her a bracelet, she brought him cake, blah blah, blah, it'll be over next month. In Hollywood, lasting love is harder to find than an honest agent.

Not to be outdone, "Us" weekly also features J.Lo and B.Af, as I like to call him. I want to warn regular "Us" readers, the article is longer than a paragraph. Now I know it's a strain, so you might want to rest up before you read it. You've got to check out the "Us" section called "Red Carpet Cuties" where they analyze the fashion sense of three prepubescent Hollywood hipsters as they tramp and vamp before salivating paparazzi. I'm not kidding. The oldest girl is only 11. But as the financially conjoined Olsen twins have proven, in Hollywood it is never too early to start shaking your stuff and selling your wares.

"Elegant Bride" magazine provides a countdown for cosmetic surgery you should have before your wedding day. It is so romantic. Nine months before the big day, they recommend liposuction. Three months before, they recommend an endoscopic brow lift, blepharoplasty and meloplasty. Six weeks to go? Microdermabrasion and a chemical peel, and perhaps breast surgery. And in the final month pump some collagen into those lips, and get ready to pucker up.

Hey, you know what, even if the wedding doesn't happen, don't worry, with all that plastic surgery, you can always get a job anchoring at Fox News -- but it's meant with love.

That's about it for magazines this week. Frankly, I recommend you read a book."
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