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Shannen's Heap o'Random Babblings

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The left twin is invariably the evil one....
chris fall by rainbowkisses31
Well, there's nothing like a trip to the doctor to make you wonder--exactly how hard is it to be a doctor? After having a headache and low grade fever for two days that suddenly in the middle of the night morphed into severe head pain, 102 degree fever, dizziness and nausea, the doctor simply looked at me this morning and said, "Huh. I dunno." Gee, I could have stayed home, heard that, and saved $50.

Anyway, since I'm *supposed* to be resting...confined to bed sipping ginger ale and popping Tylenol, I'm turning today's LJ over to my evil, snarky, summer TV boy toy. Yes, Anderson is back, and today he'll be sharing his thoughts on how the Olsen twins are taking over the world. Hopefully, I'll be better later tonight to be back with some snarky wrap-up of the VMAs...

Anderson Cooper on: The Olsen Twins

The Olsen twins will be presenters at the MTV Music Video Awards. Now, like many in my generation, I have something of an obsession with Mary-Kate and Ashley. I first came to know these beguiling minx when back in 1987 they first showed up in that "Full House" with Bob Saget, John Stamos, and that blond guy. I was a young sophomore in college then, and on wintry nights, my friends and I would gather round the phosphorescent warmth of the flickering TV, laughing, pondering, and yes, sometimes crying, at the lovable pixies who so bewitched us.

Sure, they were only nine months old at the time, but oh, how they lit up the screen. Now, of course, I look back with regret. Because I missed the early clues to the dark forces that some believe were at work even then. That's right. Like many of us who troll the Web for days, I've come to believe that the Olsens are part of a twin- based conspiracy that goes back generations.

Now hear me out.

It started with the Siamese connection, Chang and Eng, yes, then the Bobbsey (ph) twins, cunning operatives who lulled the readers into believing they were using their powers for good. Remember the Wonder Twins? Did we really believe they were out to save the world in the form of an eagle, shape of an ice bridge? And as for their sidekick Gleek, cute psuedo-symian? or hideous, unholy hybrid of man and monkey? I ask you. Most recently, the "Playboy" twins. I believe the Olsen twins are the last step, the completion of the cycle if you will.

The Olsen twins are the most financially successful child stars ever. To put this in perspective, to match their success, Dana Plato would have had to hold up 1.8 million convenience stores. Impossible. How else can you explain the Olsen phenomenon if it isn't some sort of diabolical plot? They have appeared in 40 videos which have sold more than 30 million copies. That's a lot considering they're not doing porn, yet. They've sold 1.5 million records, and appear on TV about 30 times a week, not counting the subliminal messages, yes, that's right, I see you, Ashley.

Earlier this summer, the Olsen twins announced they were introducing a line of junior clothing for sale at Wal-Mart, this year they project sales of up to $1 billion. I am not kidding. They are advancing into Wal-Marts across the country, and have we heard nothing from Tom Ridge? No. That's the genius of the Olsens. Their campaign has been waged slowly, meticulously, and in the public eye from day one. It started with the acting, then singing, a little tap, soon the inevitable shimmying, and now we are drowning in Olsen products.

Now I know you may scoff, you may say, how can Mary-Kate and Ashley be a threat to our great land, but scoff all you want, when your kids are singing Olsen songs, wearing Olsen clothes, and bowing down to Olsen reliquaries, you won't be allowed to scoff unless Mary- Kate and Ashley say it's OK. And believe me, they won't. You think its a coincidence Kmart has gone bust, and Martha's on the rocks. I warn you MTV, today they are presenting an award, tomorrow, it's Mary-Kate and Ashley Living Omnimedia.

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Doctors charging you is wrong on so many levels...

Though in our how house we pay gazillion bucks monthly on the medical coverage, so yeah, when we finally visit the doctor, everything is already covered.
But if you don't have coverage you just go to the municipal hospital, and they don't charge you. But I'm guessing it's different here. Doctors are doctors because they love being doctors, they hardly make any money.

I shouldn't be allowed to write my thoughts over the internet.

Hey, surfing the internet IS "resting" in my book. Anyway, hope you're feeling better!

Re: Doctors charging you is wrong on so many levels...

I hope you're feeling better, too, Shan.

I love your evidence, but I need no proof thay Mary-Kate and Ashley are evil. The fact they refer to themselves as "Mary-Kate & Ashley" proves it. Because, dammit, when said outloud it makes them sound like three people. It should be "Ashley & Mary-Kate." But wait! Maybe they are three people! They already were one person on Full House and they we find out there are two actress playing the part. Maybe there are are three demons playing the part of the Olsen twins.

It's official, I need more sleep and shouldn't be allowed near coffee.


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